My Story Will not End Here

As a blogger, Ahmed’s story was very inspiring, but at the same time I felt great pain when I listened to Ahmed telling it to me and when I was writing it, as it summarizes the amount of suffering that trans people  in Iraq go through. Ahmed is an eighteen-year-old Iraqi trans man, and despite his young age, he has been through many difficult experiences and traumas. What makes me happy is that Ahmed is still among us and is still trying his best to emerge from this war that his family and the Iraqi society started against him.

Ahmed discovered his sexuality and desire to become a male at the age of thirteen so he began to change his appearance and style, but that was also the point where he began to suffer from psychological problems, which is why he decided to seek help from a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist explained to Ahmed that feeling that he is a male in a female body does not mean he suffers from any mental problems or any disease, but rather that he was merely born into a body in which he does not feel comfortable and does not express what is inside him. The positive thing was the psychiatrist’s positive response to Ahmed’s words, which made Ahmed explain his situation very clearly. 

After meeting with the psychiatrist, Ahmed’s mother attacked him and argued with him which pushed him to take all the depression pills he was using to combat his suicidal and negative thoughts at once and attempt suicide. Even after that incident, his mother did not stop attacking Ahmed despite his bad health condition. Ahmed’s father, on the other side, was not any better than the mother. Ahmed was abused and harassed by his father constantly. 

Ahmed had reached a difficult stage of depression, where he no longer felt any emotions, which is why he used to smoke and turn off the cigarettes on his skin. In an attempt to fix him, his parents took him to some witches where he got accused of being possessed by jinn and that he had to try to become closer to god and wear an abaya . His parents continued taking him to doctors here and there to find medication to fix him. Ahmed was forbidden from using his phone thus he lost his connection with the world. He was given his medication by his parents and forced to swallow them in front of them without knowing what type of medication he was given. After a while, Ahmed discovered that the medication he was forced to take was schizophrenia medication. 

Ahmed's life went from bad to worse when his parents got divorced. Ahmed felt very uncomfortable in his father's house because his father was constantly harassing him and his mother did not want to host him in her house. Even after the divorce, his parents were determined to get rid of Ahmed by forcing him to get married.

When Ahmed reached the point of despair again, he attempted suicide for the second time by throwing himself from his parents' apartment after a huge fight between him and his parents. After falling to the ground, Ahmed suffered from injuries, but he got up and started walking away from his parents, who previously tried to lock him inside the apartment. Ahmed's mother is a woman of influence and power in the Kurdish regions of Iraq, and his father is of power and influence in the Arab regions of Iraq, and for this reason Ahmed had to be very careful about where to hide. Ahmed's presence in Iraq in general was a severe threat to his life but he had no way to leave the country. 

After all the fear and suffering, Ahmed decided never to return to his parents so he began searching for a job here and there to afford the costs of living. Ahmed worked in several places, and whenever work posed a threat to his life due to his identity, he would leave and go somewhere else in search of another work opportunity.

Ahmed started working in a new place when he noticed the presence of a man at his workplace coming from time to time. The man once broke his silence and offered to adopt Ahmed as he was under the legal age. The man explained to Ahmed that he was not married and had no children and would like to adopt Ahmed and introduce him to his family. The first period was a good stage between the two, as Ahmed met the man's family and started living in his house. This good phase did not last long, as the man began harassing Ahmed until the matter between them ended up in a big fight and violence which led to Ahmed leaving the house. 

In short, Ahmed's entire life is made up of anxiety, suffering, and fear. Ahmed was never able to feel safe sleeping at night, walk safely in the street, or change his clothes in complete comfort without worrying about being harassed. His work was never stable and he was forced to move from one job to another due to transphobia. Ahmed was always forced to work in small, close-minded places and areas because working there did not require any documents. Ahmed only had his old documents before his transition as the Iraqi government does not give trans people any documents.  Hehe tried to apply for new documents with the help of a lawyer, but no good results came out of that. even though Ahmed has not yet entered his twenties, he has lived through a tremendous amount of misery and fear. A person like Ahmed, with his courage and patience, cannot and will not be beaten by the Iraqi society.