Today is the bisexuality day that is celebrated in some countries while never mentioned in some others. As known, Iraq isn’t a country that welcomes or supports queer people in general. We, bisexuals, tend to face even more stress trying to accept ourselves and explain our sexuality to people around us. We are considered confused individuals and that we aren’t sure what we want. Constantly, we are asked to decide the gender we prefer to date and told that what we are going through is just a phase.
I am a 24 bisexual woman whom recently joined IraQueer. As a bisexuals myself, I needed years to figure out my sexuality because in the society I live in, normal people must fall in love with the ones from the opposite gender only. If that isn’t the case, then that person is mentally sick. During my childhood and adolescence, the subject of homosexuality in general wasn’t allowed to be discussed. The only time that people would clap for me when talking about this subject was if I made jokes about it. For that, I didn’t ask too many questions, not myself or even others. The first time I had feelings for a girl was during my school years, but I never told her about it or questioned my sexuality. Not long after that I met people my age and older who discussed the subject of homosexuality with me in a civilized manner. With all the support I was given, the image of homosexuality became clearer to me and that gave me the chance to understand myself and love it the way it is.
Besides my story, I asked bisexuals from different cities in Iraq about their own experiences to understand how they feel about themselves and the struggles the deal with. Sally who’s a 28 year old bisexual woman from Karbala is one of the people I interviewed. Sally isn’t only bisexual but also a transgender, before changing her gender, she was attracted to both men and women. Things haven’t change after changing her gender since she is still attacked to both genders. She says, “Bisexuality is often forgotten, and as a transgender woman, my sexual orientation is often forgotten too. I don’t have the space to express my identity. Not only in Iraq, in general, every resource I read about transgender women, they never talk about our sexual orientation.”
Farah who’s a 27 year old bisexual woman from Kirkuk explains that she is married to the wrong person. She says, “I like my husband. He is a good man, but he isn’t the love of my life.” She clarifies, “you might think, as a bisexual you also like men, so why aren’t you happy with your husband? I would say, the heart wants what it wants. And my heart belongs to one of my friends who is a girl. It’s not up to me to decide who to love.”
Shivan who’s a 22 year old bisexual man from Erbil, explains to me how hard it’s to be bisexual in Iraq. Shivan says, “Being bisexual is like having two people inside you, sometimes it makes me feel crazy. When I was a kid, I thought I was cursed or there was a demon inside me, so I hated myself. I lost my confidence and I avoided making friends. All that time, I was thinking that I don’t deserve being loved.” Shivan tells me that as he began watching movies and reading stories about other bisexuals, he started understanding himself more. After a while, he began to accept himself but he has kept his sexuality a secret from his family and most of his friends because he doesn’t think that they would show him any support.
Sara who’s a 23 year old bisexual woman from Baghdad explains to me that fear from the society’s judgments pushes her to pretend she’s someone she’s actually not. She clarifies that being both bisexual and a woman puts too much pressure on her because that means she’s not only standing against the society’s culture but also standing against their religious believes. “I don’t feel safe to be in a relationship with a girl, simply because that could bring me so many troubles and I might get killed. For that, I prefer keeping my sexuality a secret.” Is her answer for why she’s not thinking about getting involved in a romantic relationship with any girl?
Aram who is a 24 year old bisexual man from Erbil tells me that people who know about his sexuality tell him that being bisexual allows him to get the best of both worlds meaning he's lucky he can choose to date both males and females which is considered an advantage. He clarifies that being bisexual isn’t an advantage since he lives in a community that doesn’t allow him to date a guy or express himself freely, not even around his girlfriend. He says, “I hear a lot of bad comments about having low self-esteem or not knowing what I want.” Aram’s ex-girlfriend used to ignore the fact that he was bisexual and used to think this was just a phase that he would get over. About his feelings now, he mentions to me that despite the lack of support and loneliness he is going through, he accepts himself and he’s lucky to find himself. He loves himself and for that, he does not need anyone’s approval.
We, bisexuals, keep hoping that things will eventually get better. We hope that one day we will be accepted in our community and that we will get rid of all the daily pressure and stress we deal with just because we are trying to be ourselves. We hope that our community will accept us and love us just like we accept and love ourselves.