It is always interesting to know how a foreigner who fights for liberty and independence views the life of the Iraqi community and the changes that are happening. This time, I interviewed Dr.Lynn Rose who is the Deputy Director of the Center for Gender and Development Studies at the American University of Iraq, Sulaimani and a professor in the Social Sciences department. She has been living in Sulaimani for five years and previously lived in multiple cities in the Middle East, Europe, and Mexico. Below, she describe the situation in Iraq, specifically the situation of the LGBT+ community and the lack of support they have been facing for long years.

How long have you been fighting for the rights of the LGBT+ community?
I have been an activist for human rights, including the rights of LGBT+ people, for decades. My activism isn’t the kind that takes me to the streets, though I participated in marches and demonstrations in my younger days. Now, my activism is incorporated in my academic and scholarly work.
 
What kind of help do you provide for the LGBT+ community as a member of CGDS?
Although CGDS is not an NGO offering services, we support LGBT+ people in several ways. In our workshops, we always present sexuality, along with gender, as a continuum and a range, in which heterosexuality and homosexuality are merely two ends of the continuum, not the only options. Of the short films that we made as part of our EU-funded projects, one, “The Gender Spectrum,” has to do explicitly with gender identity. One of our podcasts for the same project is an interview with a psychologist, demythologizing transgender people. We also work to translate academic material in gender studies, some of which includes discussion of LGBT+ people.

What do most LGBT+ individuals ask CGDS to provide them with?
We don’t get LGBT individuals asking us for anything, since we do not offer services. So the requests we get involve, for example, other organizations or individuals asking us where to refer LGBT+ people. We direct them to organizations that provide services and support.

What do you witness to be the hardest challenge that faces the Iraqi LGBT+ community?
Witnessing pervasive homophobia is very difficult. A lot of LGBT+ individuals face fear of family rejection, which is not just an emotional discomfort, but has social and economic consequences and even life-and-death consequences. In my very limited experience here in Sulaimani, I have come across only a small handful of people who accept their sexuality to the point of being “out.” The rest are worried about bringing shame on their families or again being rejected by them.

Who do you notice to be more violated, queer women or queer men? And why do you think it’s like that?
I really can’t speak to this, because of my place as a foreigner, but I suppose that it is the same situation as it is the world over: lesbians are seen as not really serious, or even as entertainment for the male gaze, thus they are not perceived as much of a threat, for better or worse. Males, as the upholders of patriarchy, are seen to be more threatening when they flout the heterosexual foundation of patriarchy.

Where do you think things are heading regarding LGBT+ rights in Iraq? Is society becoming more supportive?
As a foreigner who is starting their fifth year in Sulaimani, I think that maybe there are positive changes, but it might be only that I am observing things in more detail than I did when I first arrived. I do not have the long-term perspective of someone who has lived here for years.

Do you think it could get worse?
Whether or not things have improved, yes, it could get worse—here and in any part of the world.   Whenever there is progress, there is backlash. Moving two steps forward, takes us one step back, but sometimes moving one step forward can take us two (or more) steps back.

What kind of change should be made to make the Iraqi society more supportive?
Perhaps it is my bias, as an educator, but I do firmly believe that education is the most powerful tool. Education can take many forms—it doesn’t have to be classroom education, though that is an important component. One of the most important educational experiences is to hang out with people we fear or loathe. What we usually find is that we are all multidimensional humans.

What’s the best part about your job?
We do the very slow work of trying to change the attitudinal atmosphere through education so that one day individuals might not have such a hard time. The best part of my job, then, is seeing that maybe we have brought about even a small attitudinal change in even one person who would otherwise be totally homophobic. Big structural change happens slowly, and as I mentioned before, often in a “two steps forward, one step back” kind of way.


Rand
IraQueer

As a lady, the eyes are always on you. Whether you are wearing what is called “Girly Clothes” or not, it’s still a big struggle to walk by a group of people without having them checking you from head to toe. Being too feminine with your talk, walk, act, and clothes could possibly bring you harassment but even more, showing the least femininity could raise more questions in people’s heads.

During my childhood years, I grew up being closer to my brother than any other member of my family. Playing football, spending hours on video games, riding a bicycle, and having short hair were all things that gave me confidence and joy. Little that I knew back then that the need for these things will grow with me as I get older. Things got a little bit more complicated as I became an adult since people have more judgments to make about my outfit or my short hair. Sometimes, I can see them judging me just by looking at their faces. People around me find it hard to accept that a girl is more interested in wearing oversized T-shirts and hoodies than wearing skirts or dresses. As I walk in the street, I notice the looks from people who whisper to each other, “Is this a boy or a girl?” I believe that my sexuality gets questioned by most people who see me and that does not get me mad as much as it gets me worried. Some days, these worries force me to change my outfit or think twice before visiting a certain shop or a café.

Now, that I understand my sexuality better than any time before, I am aware that there is nothing wrong with me. Some days I wake up feeling a strong need to wear a dress and straighten my hair. While on other days, I prefer to wear my oversized hoodie or T-shirt and high-five every single friend I see. I admit that being the least feminine always makes me feel more confident and free. Still, that doesn’t take away my right of wearing skirts and dresses. I am no longer confused about my sexuality but rather confused about the way I can express it through my style without putting myself in trouble. It is about learning how to cross the drawn lines without putting myself in serious problems with anyone.                                                                  
                                                             
Your style so as to mine and everyone else’s is chosen according to the social norms that govern the behavior of our Iraqi society. There are certain clothes allowed for guys and another for girls. These limitations come from the belief that keeping our culture alive is achieved by choosing certain clothes and colors to be worn by each gender. I am sure you have noticed that some men avoid wearing pink or red and tend to choose dark colors as a way of expressing their masculinity. Women, on the other side, are expected to embrace their feminine side and express it by having long hair and wearing girly clothes that get them easily distinguished from men. I am here to tell you that there should not be any rules that control what someone can wear. These limitations are not laws of the universe because we are not born with the conviction that pink is for girls and blue is for guys. We learn these rules from our environment which includes our neighborhood, school, family, and even TV and social media.

Having friends and teachers who accept me the way I am and support me helps me feel better about myself. Some of the judgments I receive from people still hurt especially the ones that come from my family members. However, I keep in mind that the real problem is the ideologies that people rely on which make them determine how much respect to give someone base on their dressing style. The other thing that helps me feel better is that I have tried being on both sides. I tried being too girly with my clothes and behavior and I tried being the least girly I could as well. Both ways did not fully stop the irritation or criticism whether that was from my family and some friends or even strangers. That proves my point that no one can escape criticism but what you can do is keep yourself safe by wearing and doing the things that bring you the least pain possible.  Keep in mind that not all the Iraqi queers are the same because some are dealing with bigger restrictions and fear than some others. Learn to act based on your own circumstances by putting your life and safety first. Remember not to wear or do anything that can put your life in danger but if you get the chance to express your sexuality through your style do it without any feelings of shyness or shame.

Rand
IraQueer

As an Iraqi, you would probably say that you have not heard about this day or you have, but can’t celebrate it in any way. Not at your house with your family, with your friends and girlfriend, or even in the street with strangers. Still, IraQueer works to change things so that Iraq will be safer for the LGBT+ community and Iraqis will be more supportive of the LGBT+ community. Until that day comes, IraQueer wants you to know that you, as a lesbian individual, are strong, valid, and important to us. Be proud of yourself for surviving your days without the support you deserve. Remember that good things happen as we believe they are possible so stay strong and proud of who you are.

On this special day, we want to tell the love stories of lesbian ladies who have been struggling just like you and so many others in different cities of Iraq. Sara, who is a 28-year-old lesbian from Basra, talks about both the love and fear she is experiencing with her girlfriend. She says, “I met my girlfriend two years ago on a dating app." She explains the difficulty of being a woman and a lesbian in a city like Basra. She says, “We do not have the opportunity to express either one of our identities. Because of that, I never thought I would ever meet someone who will know about both of my identities, accept them, and even love me because of them.” Sara mentions that being around her girlfriend gives her peace and joy but at the same, there is always that fear of her family or her girlfriend’s family. That fear if someone catches them kissing or knows that they are more than friends. The fear of them getting killed or never getting the chance to see each other again. As girls in Basra, they are not allowed to spend so much time in the streets or cafes so they tend to visit each other a lot. That is where they get the chance to watch movies or talk about music, poetry, and love.

Khawla says that she had to go through a painful divorce experience before she got the chance to understand her sexuality and who she really is. She says, “After six years of being married to my cousin, I got divorced. Arranged marriages are very common in Karbala where I am from. A 30 year old girl who is not married is not acceptable. In families like mine, girls are supposed to get married at a certain age, perform their marital duties, give birth to babies, raise their children, stay at home, and be good wives.” After her divorce, Khawla isolated herself from her family and everyone else. That was the time when she started questioning her sexuality and realized that she was not straight. When she met her neighbor, she immediately feel in love with her. They both had feelings for each other so they kept meeting and talking about their lives and sharing personal details. Their families did not suspect anything because their mothers were friends and the visits between the two families were so easy to happen. Khawla did not have the courage to express her feelings at first but as they got closer she decided to take that step. “One day, we were laying on her bed, listening to Shireen’s song “Enkatabli Omr”, our hands started touching. We were talking about love, then we had our first kiss. It was the first time in my life that I feel afraid and safe at the same time. Since then, we have been together.”

These two stories are an example of hundreds of other similar stories. As a lesbian girl, keep in mind that you are not fighting alone and that things could get better someday. As long as you have the choice to decide, never let others decide for you and keep in mind that it is absolutely fine to be lost for a while. Be hopeful that a better phase might come as you get to a point where you are sure about your sexuality and identity. Last but not least, remember that being a lesbian is not a deterrent for finding love. There are a lot of lesbians around you who are too afraid to show it. Just look closely around you and you might find your love and second half. On this day, IraQueer wants you to know that you are heard and seen. So never hesitate to contact us if you ever felt the need for an advice or support.

Rand
IraQueer

The Iraqi queers seem to face pressure and stress from multiple sides. It’s not only about their fear of people’s reaction or judgment about their sexuality. Queer individuals in Iraq, just like the rest of Iraqis, share the same daily stressful life. Lack of jobs, political problems, and war are all reasons that cause anxiety and kills the hope in their hearts. The Iraqi queers are forced to adapt to this environment in addition to the need to adapt to the people’s mentality that rejects them. Queer people, just like everyone else, need someone to listen to them or advise them but that isn’t available to the majority of them. That lack of support leads to depression that can push some of them to suicide.

My first person to interview is Lizu who is a 19-year-old lesbian girl. Lizu says, “My suicidal thoughts don’t come from me rejecting being queer, rather it comes from the rejection I face from the society. It’s me against the society, religion, and culture.” Lizu explains that her pressure comes almost from every direction. Her family, relatives, society, and religion, all put pressure on her in addition to the fear of the unknown and the fear of someone knowing about her sexuality which can put her in many troubles. The good news is Lizu has beaten her suicidal thoughts by reading about the subject and building healthy habits like having a consistent routine of sleep and eating time. Other than that, she says that her friends are providing her with a lot of support that keeps her going.

Ayman, who is a 22-year-old gay man, tells me that his suicidal thoughts have come from the time when he was religious because religion says that queer people shall burn in hell. Other than the pressure Ayman got from religion, the fear of his parents knowing about his sexuality and the fear of the unknown put tremendous pressure on him. Thanks to his best friends, he has beaten his suicidal thoughts and is currently having a more peaceful mindset. He says that having someone to talk to helps a lot in reducing the stress and calming the person and that is what he advises everyone to try to have.
 
Ethan, who is a 29-year-old gay man, tells me his story of fighting his suicidal thoughts. He says, “My suicidal thoughts started a short time after my colleagues found an evidence about my sexuality when I was around 22 years old. They deliberately isolated me from the rest of the students and told everyone not to have any contact with me whatsoever, even my best friends who have always trusted me, had to stay away from me to protect themselves and their reputation. Also, every time I face homophobia from my family, friends, co-workers, or read about it on social media, I feel like an alien, a being that doesn't have a place in this world and has no right to exist in it, back when I was 22-23 I received help from a psychiatrist and it helped me through the worst of my suicidal episodes, I still I get them, yet to a less extent.” He tells me that his suicidal thoughts come back as he faces pressure from his family, friends, or relatives and then go away for a while. The support he gets from his gay friends and his hope of having a better tomorrow are the reasons that keep him going. He says that providing a guidance counselor or a suicide hotline service that is open 24/7 would highly help to prevent self-murder among queer individuals.

Ahmed is a 25-year-old gay man who was 16 years old when he realized that he was gay. Only then he knew how little support is provided to him and other queer people. Ahmed’s fear of the society, his relatives, and the religious people around him have been causing him daily stress. For that, his suicidal thoughts aren’t completely gone, rather they come and go. He tells me that getting support whether from a family member, friends, or NGOs would offer so much help to the Iraqi queers and help to reduce the number of suicide in the country.

Hate is what the majority of the Iraqi queers find themselves surrounded with even when they isolate themselves, they don’t seem to be able to avoid troubles. Queer people are hated because of who they are and that makes the whole problem worse. It’s not a certain word or an action to avoid saying or doing to make things better for themselves and that leads to self-hatred which brings depression. As a queer person you need to keep in mind that life is constantly changing which means that the current stress you are dealing with is eventually going to vanish. Stay strong and remember that if things are bad for your generation, you must work hard to make the next generation more understanding and supportive. 
 
Rand
IraQueer